Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
