it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am one with the molecules
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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