In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
