so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
