i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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