He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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