What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
