Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You may now shotgun with the bride
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
