whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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