remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
