Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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