After last night, I could never be a politician.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
