After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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