these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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