lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
