i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
