is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
