Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Randomize
