I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
