no you cant smoke seaweed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
