sarcasm needs its own font
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
