Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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