toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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