Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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