I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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