Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
