He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
