I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
