so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
