Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
