I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
