11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
