WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
