I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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