I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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