Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize