If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
