I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
