You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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