Little spoons don't ask big questions
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
