I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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