My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i came on her dog
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
