I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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