We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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