I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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