planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
