im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
