Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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