Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
