Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
is it fun? or sober?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
