At least make sure they are 18
Why
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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