he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
