Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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