As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
