I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
