Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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