He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
