I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
