i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
