Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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