Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
