he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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