It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
