I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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