You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
