TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
