I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
