I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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