the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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