I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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