morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
