how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
