I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
True strength comes from lack of pants
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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