we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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